Seeking Confidence Through Him

Relationships are something that have always caused me to doubt my self-confidence.

Throughout my life I had heard from so many people, “when are you going to get a boyfriend?”, “are you still single?” and “what did your parents do to you?” (take notes boys, definitely not how you should respond after a girl tells you she has never had a boyfriend before). Now they may have had good intentions but it all started to make me think that there was something wrong me. I started to struggle with self-confidence. I doubted myself and started to think maybe it’s because I’m not pretty enough or maybe I’m too quiet or maybe I’m weird and no one wants to talk to me. If you have ever felt this way before, I’m here to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your self-worth is not measured by whether you have been in a relationship or not or even if those past relationships have been successful or not. It wasn’t until I started to focus on my relationship with God that I truly started to become more confident in myself through Him and began to realize there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. Now don’t get me wrong I still have doubts and that’s completely normal but knowing that I have a relationship with God gives me a sense of peace and hope for the future.

Up until the age of 19 I had never had a boyfriend before. (I just want to point out before continuing that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, despite what I might have believed in the past.) Here’s a little back story about my past relationship. It’s hard for me to be in a vulnerable place and it’s not that I want to speak negatively of this person, but I feel that sharing this is a very important part of my journey. All throughout high school I was single and it never bothered me. I had great friendships that I focused on and after I graduated I moved to North Carolina. Towards the end of my time at my community college I had made a few really good friends and this is where I met my first boyfriend. Even though this relationship didn’t last very long I learned so much from this experience. I definitely rushed into it and didn’t take the time to get to know this person fully before I agreed to “make it official.” I had never really had any previous experience to know better. It ended up not working out for a few reasons and I was more disappointed that I had let myself get wrapped up in the whole attraction of what it would be like to have a boyfriend. . During this time, I wasn’t focused on my faith and wasn’t taking the time to build a relationship with God. Coincidence that all this was happening at the same time? I think not! God knew better than I did that all this was meant to show me that I needed to focus on my relationship with Him before I could ever have a relationship with someone else. After talking with my friends about the situation I eventually started to feel better about it and realized that I had learned a lot. Now I could get into the whole journey of how I became closer to God and began to learn how to have confidence in Him, but you can read all about that in my testimony.

Fast forward to about a year ago when I moved to the dorms at Appalachian State University. I was starting to get more involved in my faith and I met the most amazing friends, some of whom are involved in Testify as well. Margo introduced us to Transformation Church and was raving about one of the series they did titled “Relationship Goals.” We began to watch the series altogether with some of our other friends and immediately I understood why she was so excited to share it with us. I could go on for hours about the amazing words that Pastor Mike Todd spoke, but it would be way more beneficial and less time consuming if you go check it out for yourself! He has a few episodes where he talks all about singleness and what a gift it is. So often I feel like we waste this time because we’re too focused on the future. To sum it up, here are a few things I have learned so far:

1. God has a purpose for your season of singleness to bring you something even greater than you could ever imagine

2. God knows us better than we know ourselves

3. God already knows everything you need in a future spouse, even though it may not be everything you think you want

4. Focus on the lessons God is trying to teach you during this season and the areas you need to work on to build a strong foundation for your future

Having trust and confidence in God that He hears my prayers and has a future planned for me has given me a sense of peace. After I stopped trying to plan my future and gave that to God, it has helped me gain more self-confidence. Now that doesn’t mean that I don’t still doubt myself. Even now I still struggle with feeling like I’m somehow falling behind because my journey doesn't look like other people’s. But by turning to God in these times of uncertainty I have learned that God’s plans have no timetable. He has designed a future for us that will be everything He knows we need. Put your trust in Him as He hears all our prayers, even if the way He answers them is not in the way you expected.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”-Proverbs 3:5