Margo's Testimony

I grew up in a strong Christian family in a little town in Pennsylvania. We went to church and Sunday school every Sunday; I even went to a private Christian school for 11 years. I was taught the Bible my entire life. When I was little, I viewed it as more of a ritual, I did not view it as a personal relationship. To me, was more of a book of stories that happened back in the day.

Boy was I wrong…

Ever since I was little, I suffered with anxiety. I remember going to the nurse’s office few times a week when I was in elementary school because I would claim I was not feeling good. No one expected that 7-year-old would be having anxiety problems; what would they be anxious about? I remember getting in trouble for asking to go to the nurse’s office and getting sent out to the hall and receiving annoyed looks from my teachers. My parents did have some superstition that it was anxiety issues so they talked to my doctor and she gave some tips on what to do.

I did not understand at the time why I got so anxious when I was little. Did the devil know that God had amazing plans for my life? Because why else would he be trying to take me over at such a young age? Or was God testing my faith? Or my parent’s faith? Looking back on it now I’ve learned that the trails God puts us through help us grow in our faith. Hebrews 13:21 says, “equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory for ever and ever. Amen.” The things you are going through right now might look messy and make no sense but God has a purpose for all of it.

As time went on and I got older, I was coming closer to graduating and entering high school. My school at that time only went to the 8th grade and after that I had to transfer to public school. I went from a class of 18 students to a class of about 400. That was a huge and hard adjustment for me. I was always a quiet child but when I entered high school, I found it so hard to just say hi to someone; so, I kept to myself for most of high school.

Then came my junior year when I got my first boyfriend. It was so exciting and new for me but I knew deep down that he was not good for me. My anxiety started to get worse, I would get physically sick and not eat. I tried to hide it as best as I could from my parents because I felt embarrassed. Until one day my mom walked in on me crying in the bathroom. My parents realized that the situation was getting out of hand and took me to get some real help. So, I started going to therapy. As time went on, I realized that breaking up with this guy would help improve my mental health. And it did. My anxiety subsided, I felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders!

After this I started realizing that God was a lot more than stories and a book of rules. I started working on my relationship with God. Once I started doing this, my faith really started getting put to the test. And I failed. I started dating around more and every time I’d get out of an ungodly relationship, I would tell myself “alright I’m going to work on my relationship with God”. It was this unhealthy pattern I started getting into. Then came this one relationship that tore me apart. He knew how I was a Christian but we never talked about boundaries in our relationship. Which was a big mistake. One night while we were hanging out, he started to do something that I was not okay with so I told him to stop and he listened. But the next time we hung out it happened again but this time he would not stop. I felt fear come over me and just felt paralyzed not knowing what to do.

A few days passed and I thought there was something wrong with me. My thinking was that because I was his girlfriend, shouldn’t I be okay with what he did? (answer NO- I knew deep down this was not right and sinful). So, we hung out again and this time it was worse and I made an excuse that my parents said I had come home. I felt so ashamed and disgusted in myself. I was scared to address the issue again so my next option was just to break up with him. And I did. If I can say one thing that I learned from this is DO NOT ever settle for anything lower than your expectations. If you don’t have any, make some! Write a list of qualifications you wish your future spouse will have and pray over them, because I promise you God will bring that person into your life and they will exceed all your expectations!

Another crucial thing is DO NOT be scared to address issues in a relationship; communication is so important. Always make boundaries, and if they don’t abide by what you say then they probably aren’t the one for you.

After that relationship I felt so ashamed and disgusted. My anxiety had held me back from so many things, especially standing up for myself. Well, as time went along, I was about to graduate high school and enter college…community college. At that time, community college did not seem like the ideal route I wanted to take. My dream was always to go to school in North Carolina, meet my future husband there, and then one day live there. LITERALLY I would pray for this to be my reality one day, even though at the time it seemed crazy. So, when my parents told me I had to go to community college I felt like the last 4 years of my life in high school were wasted because of fear. (*SIDE NOTE* There is nothing wrong with going to community college; if I were to do my whole high school years again, I still would choose to go to community college. It saves money and transferring schools is easier than trying to apply and hoping your test grades get you in). I then started to get really depressed watching my friends go off to their dream schools. I started to not care about my relationship with God. I started not caring how far I went with guys because I already felt worthless. And so, I started to continue finding my worth in guys and when it was not enough, I resulting in to the thing I am most ashamed about…self-harm. I hit a very low point in my life. I didn’t think God was really there and if he was there, he did not care.

Days, led to weeks, and weeks led to months. I was lost, hurt and so confused. Until one day I came across this post and it talked about being in the right place at the right time. I remember reading this and just feeling comfort. It was such a simple post but sometimes those simple reminders are what people need. After reading it I just poured out to God. Letting him know that I was going to start putting my full trust in him. I started getting better. I prayed more and started having more quiet time with God. My depression went away and I stopped self-harming.

As time went on, I was on YouTube and this video from Transformation Church, called Relationship Goals popped up. Which was super strange because it was in my recommended and at that time, I watched vlogs and those fashion, makeup people. Haha. I remember looking at that video and was like oh that looks good, maybe I will watch it. Clicked out of YouTube and went onto Instagram. Now this is where it gets cool. See, God knows us better than anyone else and he knows how to reach us. In Psalm 23:6 it says; “Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life.” God never gives up on us. And so, I’m scrolling through Instagram and I am watching people stories and this girls story pops up and she post something about that video by Transformation Church. And I was like that funny, I’m going to have to watch this video at some point. Then it was almost like God was yelling at me to go watch. Like you know when your parents say to do something and you say okay, but then you don’t do it and like by the third time they tell you to do it, you hear them coming upstairs to your room and you just run because you know if you don’t do it in the next 3 seconds you are in trouble. Yea, it was a moment like that.

The next story that came up was the same exact video and this time it was Sadie Robertson post. I went straight back to YouTube and watched that video. God really spoke through me that sermon. I was so on fire for God that I wanted to continue so I watched the rest of the series. Afterwards I watched the Planted Not Buried series by Transformation Church and this one video really hit home. It was called Planted and Undervalued. I think I watched it like 5 times because everything he said it was so good and I wanted to make sure I had every part written down. In this sermon he preached about the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel. I bet most of you are familiar with this story, but for those of you who aren’t, here is a quick overview: Jacob fell in love with Rachel the youngest daughter in a family; and in order for him to marry her he had to work 7 years for her father. When those 7 years ended, he married, but not Rachel. They gave him Leah since she was the eldest. Well Jacob still wanted Rachel’s hand in marriage and in order for him to marry her he had to work another 7 years. Leah was undervalued by Jacob. God noticed this and enabled Leah to bear children, but not Rachel. Every time she had a child, she would say “maybe now my husband will find value in me”. Leah took a season where God was making her fruitful and she kept reminding herself of what she did not have. She kept trying to hook her identity on a man who did not value her. I could really relate Leah. I took for granted the opportunity to go to college and I still was trying to hook my identity on how guys viewed me. In the sermon, the pastor said something that really stuck out to me: “Nobody will be able to value you the way God will value you…God will not always change your situation but He will give you a chance to change your decision.” After this sermon I started to pursue God more and slowly change my ways.

“Nobody will be able to value you the way God will value you…God will not always change your situation but He will give you a chance to change your decision.”

It was approaching the end of the year and I was at my grandparent’s house. And I am very fortunate to have my grandparents live right next to me. One of the nice parts about it was whenever I was sick and at home by myself, my grandmother would make me soup and invite me over to watch a movie. But anyways; my mom and I were over there and my grandparents are huge travelers. So, we were over there talking with them about their next trip they had coming up. This trip was a little unusual than the rest. They were going to this college called Appalachian State University, because years ago my family owned a farm there and they gave it to the school. To this day the school uses it for some of their classes. I thought that this was so cool and since I went to community college, I was looking at school to transfer to after my two years there. I then asked my grandparents where it was, they said North Carolina. I felt this wave of emotion come over me and I felt God say, this is where I’m going to send you. When I got home, I did research on this school right away since it has been a dream of mine to live in North Carolina. They had my major and would except ALL of my credits. Which was crazy since I was transferring from an out of state school.

After that, I knew this was where I was meant to go. A month goes by and we take a trip down to Appalachian State and I fall completely in love with this school. I’ve toured several colleges before and thought “well, maybe I’ll go here”, but when I visited App I knew I was meant to go here. Not just because it was in North Carolina, because before App I looked at and toured other colleges in NC; but because I felt like this was the school I had been praying for. We found out more information on the school and found out that in order to transfer there I needed 30 credits. I had little over 30 credits so I could transfer in the next year. Right after the tour I pulled out my laptop and applied. Two weeks go by and I get a letter in the mail saying I got accepted. I was beyond excited and was so thankful for the season of life God took me through to get there. Even though it was a long hard season if I did not go through it, I wouldn’t be at App, I would not have made the friends I have made, and most importantly this website wouldn’t be a thing.

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In the beginning of 2019, I had one semester left at the community college, instead of 3. I was beyond excited to start this new season at Appalachian but I wanted to go into with my relationship with God being my focus. Every year I give myself a word to try to live out, this year I gave myself the word growth. I started off the new year with prayer and fasting, with the help of Transformation Church.

The first few days of doing it I realized that in order for growth to occur I needed to release. Release myself from chains holding me back from growth. I did not want my anxiety controlling me anymore. I did not want to be bitter from people who had hurt me in the past. I wanted to give all these things and more to God. Not just having God take me out of a place, because God can take us out of place but our perspective will stay the same if we don’t let Him change that too. For example, God brought his people out of Egypt but Egypt did not leave his people. Hebrews 12:1-2; “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” God calls us to let go every weight and sin that is holding us down. It then calls us to RUN, it's not that easy to run with weights on. We run with endurance keeping our eyes on Jesus, who is the founder and perfecter of our faith. I can say with confidence that in 2019 I was able to release things and grow so much closer to God.

If you are able to pull anything out of this testimony, I hope it is this: God loves you. No matter where you are in your walk, whether you believe or not, whether you have fallen so off track, He is standing there with open arms to let you in. Life is not supposed to be easy, and accepting Jesus into your life does not make all your problems go away. Having Jesus in your heart gives you someone to fight your battles and come out better than you were going in. Your life matters.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalms 139:14