Happy Valentine's Day!

January 15th, 2000 was one of the happiest days in the lives of my husband Mack and I. Our precious baby girl Margo was born. She was welcomed by a loving family of grandparents, aunts and uncles. How excited we were to finally meet our precious daughter, Margo! As any new parents, we marveled at her tiny fingers with the tiniest of fingernails, her sweet little lips and her touch of dark hair – was it dark brown like mine, or more black like her Dads? We were in awe. What a blessing from God and what a miracle the birth of a baby is! What did we ever do to receive such a blessing?

Our joy would soon be cut short. The very next day, I remember the nurse came into the room and stood at the foot of my bed. I remember it as if it were yesterday. “We found a few things; first, she has a little jaundice, nothing that we are concerned about. Second there is a bit of swelling on her head—a result of her delivery, again nothing to be concerned about. The third thing we found was more concerning. We heard a heart murmur so we have a cardiologist checking her out.” My mom was standing next to me and I remember her saying “Oh that’s nothing, I have a murmur and a lot of people have murmurs.”

It wasn’t long after that they asked Mack and I into the room where they were examining Margo. She was laying on the bed, hooked up to wires, and the doctor was performing an ultra sound on her tiny chest. They had a stool for me, right next the bed, and our family stood behind us. The doctor that introduced herself was Dr. Baffa. She was beautiful, with long dark hair – as I imagined Margo’s might be someday. She warmly greeted us and her smile somehow put me at ease at least temporarily. I remember little from that point forward; I do remember her trying to show us the images of Margo’s heart on the monitor and trying to explain what we were looking at. It wasn’t until she turned and meticulously drew a heart on the disposable hospital bed paper (which I still have) that I started to understand what she was conveying to us. In very elementary terms she described that Margo had a condition called Double Outlet Right Ventricle. A normal heart has the pulmonary artery pumping oxygen-poor blood, from the left ventricle, to the lungs for purification. Upon purification (oxygenated) the blood flows back into the hearts right ventricle and that ventricle is serviced by the Aorta, which flows the oxygen-rich blood back into the body. In Margo’s condition, the pulmonary artery and aorta were being serviced by the hearts left ventricle (impure/oxygen deprived blood), leaving the right ventricle (oxygen rich/pure blood chamber) unserved by the aorta. Essentially Margo’s condition was poisoning her body. I recall the words “surgery”; I can remember something about taking her home but keeping a close watch, checking to see if her lips or fingernails turned blue. It was surreal, as if I were in a dream. Didn’t they see what I saw? Those lips, those perfect little fingers…. My head was spinning.

Fast forward, we were told to schedule open heart surgery. We were told to get this done in 4-6 weeks and that we could look at our calendar to schedule. Again…my head is spinning.

It was the next day, when I was preparing to leave the hospital, that it hit me…hard! I was standing in the shower alone for the first time and I let it out, bawling, …It was uncontrollable. Why God? How could you let this happen? What did I do to deserve such punishment? I have served you. I go to church every Sunday, I teach Sunday School, I sing on the Praise Team…why did you allow Margo to be born with such a defect? The whole time, I’m shaking my fist, pounding the shower walls and crying out. I knew who I was praying to, I was a believer and I KNEW He could heal her, I believe that He is the great physician and that her broken heart could be mended, but could mine? As I continued to cry out, I’ll never forget this next conversation. “Lord, I know you can heal her heart, I am confident of that, but she will have a scar, forever I’ll be reminded that she was not perfect from birth…. IT WAS THEN THAT HE SAID TO ME…. “THINK ABOUT THE SCARS ON MY HANDS AND MY FEET…IF YOU USE HER LIFE AS A TESTIMONY, IF YOU TELL OTHERS ABOUT THIS STORY, ABOUT WHO I AM, THAT I DIED ON A CROSS BECAUSE I LOVE THEM, THOSE SCARS CAN BE A REMINDER FOR YOU TO SHARE ABOUT MY LOVE. WILL YOU BE OBEDIENT? WILL YOU TRUST ME?” I was overwhelmed; it was that experience that has shaped my own heart and continues to encourage me today.

Scheduling the surgery was next. I remember my mom calling me and saying that Valentine’s Day was in just 4 weeks, and she said “What cardiologist will mess up heart surgery on that day?” …. So, after checking with the hospital, surgery was set. Margo would have open heart surgery on HEART DAY!

The day of surgery came, we were a mess…. I remember Mack and I walking with the nurse to the operating room, as Mack was holding her close. I remember kissing her head as we passed her off, and then asking to have her back, so I could take her onesie off, anything to delay the inevitable. But the time came, and the nurse took her…the doors closed. We were wrecked. As we walked the hallways, we decided to walk down to the hospital gift shop. Because it was Valentine’s day the shop was filled with flowers, candy, red balloons and stuffed bears. I came across some stationary with a tiny red foiled heart at the top, so I bought it and went back to the room where I sat and wrote Margo a letter. I told her that someday we would sing songs together, that one day we would paint her tiny fingernails and how much we loved her and prayed over her on this day. As I wrote about the day, I noted when the nurse would come to our room and update us as to how the surgery was going and how we anxiously awaited to see her. I saved that letter and gave it to her for her 18th birthday.

And here we are today, February 14th 2020. Exactly 20 years to the day that God guided the hands of the Dr’s who repaired Margo’s heart. 20 years ago, that I determined in my own heart to testify to HIS faithfulness and his love for each of us. Ironic that I am writing this for Margo’s website that she made with her girlfriends, a website designed to share what God has done in the lives of those who believe in him. A website called TESTIFY! God is so good!

In our house we have a blackboard and on it the scripture Jeremiah 29: 11-13. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.”

My prayer today is that if you are reading this story, and if your heart is not full – if you don’t know that God loves you, that His plans are perfect and that he desires for you to come to him and surrender your heart, that you do just that. That you pray to Him, that you tell him your struggles and you surrender to his perfect plan for your life. The God of the universe LOVES you! He doesn’t promise everything to go according to our desires, but he promises to never leave us if we put our faith in HIM. You can trust him, for His plans are perfect…I know this full well!

My heart is full!

Barb (Margo’s mom)